Lost love

Every love affair has it’s lifetime. This that as long as it has a start it has a finish. Some relationships last to the end of partners lifetime, some die soon after they started.

Love may start as the strongest passion but time passes and the storm of emotions calms down, relationships once so bright and full of surprises become routine. It drags on for a while and than comes crisis. A couple can either survive through it or fall apart.

Even when the love is gone it’s always hard to realise that you have to quit something once so good. There’s no certain way to decrease the sad feelings about falling apart. You may only try to stay civilised people about it and to let the one who’s leaving do it without making up grandiose scandals and hysterics.

Although some think that it’s better to stay enemies than friends because than you will have nothing to regret about and won’t execute meaningless attempts to get things back. But is it so right to ruin all the memories about the happy time two people have spent together with ugly scenes screaming and blaming each other in the worst sins?

It’s over when it’s over and sometimes it’s obvious that all is over. Two people scream and shout one at the other almost everyday, they have nothing to talk about and if they do every conversation turns into a quarrel, one finds faults with everything the other does, they both simply annoy each other. That’s definitely the end.

The question is where the love’s gone. Nobody knows it. Maybe they’ve been spending too much time together and finally have started to bore each other. Maybe he has stopped telling her about his love and she has stopped feeling it. Maybe time has made the illusions disappear and the reality has turned to be not what they both expected. Maybe there was only passion and after it’s gone nothing has left. There can be plenty of those maybes. Every misfortune has it’s own face. It may even be that nothing is over but people need to take a little rest one from the other or try to diversify their relationships. In fact when each one of a couple is willing to fight to make love stay they’ll find the way to do it.

The real tragedy is when one still feels the love but the other is bored and wants to leave. If the feeling is really gone no tricks will help to keep the partner, sooner or later he or she will finally leave and those few more weeks together won’t make you happier. The only thing you can really do in this case is to try to get over him/her as soon as possible. That misery will pass as the happiness did.

Sometimes (and it specially refers to women) a man looses his interest to a woman because she has given up her job, interests, friends and etc. in order to become the part of his life, to be everything he needs. He doesn’t have to conquer her no more, she has stopped being a personality with her own life that he had once fallen in love with. If fact this is one of the general mistakes people do. They get too comfortable and stop fighting for each others love. And than when a partner starts packing bags they wonder where did I go wrong.

But still in very many cases lost love isn’t anyone’s fault. It is just the way things go. We should never stop believing that next time the feeling will be real and will finally last to the very end. We have no limit of times that we can fall in love and so although it’s sad to loose love, each time we do we should try to look at it as on the chance to find a new better one.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

Love Addiction

The Ancient Greeks already described “mania” as one of the forms of love. It’s an obsessive, ecstatic and long-lasting love. It usually exaggerates the meaning and the importance of the feeling. Very often it leads to strong emotional shocks and dramas. It seeks for the total possession and control over partner, although it can be heroic and self-sacrificing. “Mania” stays very strong even when it has no reciprocity, it can be blindly faithful. Nowadays this form of love exists but in has become less dramatic.

Love addiction is when we say I love him/her too much, I can’t let him/her go, it’ when we are ready to suffer, see our love being abused but still ready to forgive everything because of a terrible fear to loose the one we love.

Some people get adducted to love as the other get addicted to drugs or alcohol. It’s when their partner becomes the centre and the meaning of their whole life, when his or life becomes their life and everything they turn to do is to satisfy their partner’s need and to solve his/her problem. Work, friends, hobbies, personal interests – nothing of that matter for a love addicted person more. And in the basics of it all lays not the love but the fear that can take it’s roots in early childhood when a future love addict didn’t get enough love and attention and now he/she’s trying to fill that space being very scared to return to that loneliness of a child.

In this “mania” relationships there’s very often nothing left to call love, these relationships don’t bring comfort, pleasure and support as they’re supposed to do, but only pain and sufferings. And love addicts may even realise it but the don’t have strength to leave. An addicted to love person is ready to do almost everything if it can be necessary or useful to his/her partner. There is nothing too expensive, unpleasant or taking too much time if it make him/her happy.

These love addicts can be very nervous and depressive, also they are willing to gain total control over the partner. The reason is that they aren’t enough self-confidence and those possessive relationship can be an attempt to prove they are worth something.

Most of all love addicts are scared that the relationship will be ruined because it seems that won’t be able to live without their partner so they are ready to bear selfishness, indifference, cruelty, disgrace. More other those possessed with love try to convince themselves that all this “minuses” are temporary and that their partner is just having hard time at the moment, but after it’s over he/she will se everything that has been done for them and will turn to be very thankful.
Love addicts also may think thanks to their childhood that such sick relations with an indifferent partner is the only they are worth. They may ignore all the good people around them that are willing to give their love and attention.

By the way it’s women who suffer from love addiction more than men. Addictive men usually become obsessed with their job or hobby. The worst variant is drugs and alcohol. And the addictive women usually choose such men as a cross to berry.

The only way to get rid of such a love addiction is to fight all the fears and to quit that obsessive and destructive relationships, to prove yourself that you’re worth much more. Relationships are never supposed to be a one-way street, love is giving but normally it gets much in return. The problem is that the love addiction can be a very serious problem repeating from one relationships to the other so that a person isn’t even able to solve it without professional help.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

First Love

Theoretically first love can happen in any age or not happen at all. But most people had fallen in love for the first time when they were teenagers. That exciting new experience most of us remember very well during all our life. For an adult his/her own high school problems and the problems of their children seem very funny, silly and simple especially compared with all the difficulties of adult life. Somehow we forget how tragic and full of drama life and relationships were than in our adolescence.

Than a teenager falls in love and it happens for the first time he/she feels all it’s ups and downs for the first time either. In that age we mostly enjoy ourselves and study the new emotions inside than show much interest for the inner world of our first boy/girlfriend.

Once we start to show interest to the persons of the other sex and a little later instinctively choose our first love. The relationships between two sexes will interest and trouble us during all our future life but these first steps are always the most difficult and for some of us turn to be very painful. Teenager has a growing and changing body that he/she hasn’t started to understand yet and a delicate soul which is so easy to hurt.

Adults very often don’t take this first affection for serious, they may laugh at it, preach, tell their children that they are too young to really feel anything, that his or her object isn’t a good pair for him or her, they may try obey them stop seeing their boy/girlfriend. This is all very wrong. No one can stop anybody from falling in love especially when it’s so beckoning with the novelty. Wise adults can only try to support their young comrade to pass this complicated with the least wounds and hurt. The feelings of adolescents are as changeable as their mood. So the first love usually goes very soon after it comes. The mission of people around is to show that it’s not the end of world and that a teenager is not alone, that there still stay people who love him/her and in their love he/her can’t be sure. The first love is only the first lesson to learn but it like Alphabet stays in the basic of the whole future relationships of a human.

Very often we cherish these memories a lot, sometimes idealise them, remember the first love as something very innocent and fragile. If something went wrong than some people may have some problems with starting new relationships, they may even achieve come serious complexes that will be spoiling their relationships all the time.
But there’s no such low that tells we all fall in love for the first time in our adolescence if not with our coevals, than with our favourite teaches, famous actors and pop-stars. Yes, teenagers searching an ideal love object in the real life and not finding it there can turn to TV-screen heroes, or persons who are elder and seem wiser and more experienced when the people of the same with them age. Of cause most adults don’t take these kid’s falling for them too serious. It passes as does the hysterical passion for the pop-stars. But still some people don’t fall in love at this age of first love at all, they have some boy/girlfriends in order not to differ from others, to satisfy curiosity and a booty call, they may really like the coevals they have relationships with, but still it nothing serious. For those people their first love may come later, and the feeling will be the same new and surprising for them as for the teenagers. But Bernard Show said that if you haven’t fallen in love till you’re forty you already shouldn’t do it after.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

Love declarations

How to declare your love in order to get a positive answer? Well first of all you have to be sure that you have the reciprocity. If you don’t have no guarantees of that you’d better ask yourself if you are ready to get refused. And if you are not try do get a little bit closer to your object, to learn more about him or her in order to understand what he or she feels.

If you can’t stay silent no more and want to declare your feelings whatever the reaction may follow still try to make in a way that will be the most acceptable for you both and won’t only push your object away.

Demonstrative personalities like loud and bright love declarations probably in public. It can be a heap of red roses, or huge inscription on the wall, serenades under the balcony. You may fall on your knees and read a love poem in a loud voice, you can glue your printed love declaration all around, you may appeal to people around telling her (or maybe him) about your feeling. If your object is really one of those people who like to demonstrate their relationships and feelings in public she/he will be impressed by your bravery, imagination and the strength of your feeling (although it’s said that only that one who doesn’t feel anything can speak about the love in the beautiful words). And if you don’t have the reciprocity yet such a declaration can be one step forward to it.

But in an object of your love is shy, modest or just reserved and doesn’t like to attract an extra-attention to his/her person this kind of a declaration won’t do and you may get a negative answer even if your object has some kind of a sympathy to you. Words of love said in privacy or whispered in the ear don’t loose any bit of their meaning and probably even gain some.

However you would declare your love be sincere, don’t try to impress or to take your object by surprise, don’t be too pushy, don’t ask for a definite answer at the same moment. Just let the one know that you differ him or her from the other people, that he/she means something special and serious for you.

Love declarations usually come naturally when two people are seeing each other for some time already and are quiet sure about the feelings of each other. Nobody gets prepared to declare his/her love to a partner. it usually comes all of a sudden, by some impulse or just by the way. And when couple has a long-lasting relationships everyday small signs of attention, care and support will say more than all love poems in the world, though such romantic love declarations are very nice either.

By the way if you are shy or can’t find the words to say about your love you can always do by any means of communication which are plenty today, though only after oral love declaration you can observe the very first reaction and expect the most sincere answer.

If you hear “no” in the an answer to the declaration of your feeling don’t loose your hope all at once (exception is when your object starts laughing in your face). You may ask him/her to stay friends, to meet sometimes for a coffee and a chat. Don’t complain, whine or get glued, be pleasant and try to keep some contact. Most people can’t stay completely indifferent to a person who has distinguished them from all other. The one who’s listened to your declaration can starts looking at you more attentively because you are the one who sees in him ore her some features of which the others probably have no idea. Who knows maybe later on this interest may turn to a sympathy or something more or otherwise you may study your object of love better, see it’s real face beyond your fantasies and start feeling a little less in love.

One more question about love declarations – who is supposed to do it first. Traditionally it’s men who declare their feelings first and it’s women who sigh out in answer a languid “yes”. Nowadays both men and women are free to speak about their love and feelings first. Of cause the traditions aren’t totally overcome in people’s mind. Women often are too shy or too proud to do it firsts. Men usually don’t know how to behave in the answer and what to do, they may even get scared and push the woman away. And women are less prepared to hear “no” and can get deeply hurt by it. Just is you feel you’re unable to conceal your feelings no longer – declare them but mind that your object doesn’t get responsible for you after it.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

Are You in love?

Usually if you ask yourself “am I in love?’ it means you’re not, because when you’re fallen in love you already have no questions, this feeling is to obvious to leave any doubts. So it’s more reasonable to count the consequences of it than to look for the signs.

You can’t stop thinking of your object, he/she stays on your mind when you’re working, spending time with friends, jogging in the morning or relaxing in evening. The vision of your object is haunting your mind like a ghost and it never works when you tell yourself not to think of him or her. You remember all the time spent together, every single word, gesture and look.

Lovesickness can be compared with feather: you’re either flying high, all filled with enthusiasm and energy, that when people around start to wonder if you’re in love or you’re deeply depressed, indifferent, nervous, don’t see in life any bright sides. No third variant is possible. You sleep as a baby or suffer from insomnia. You shine and think you’re the best or feel miserable and unattractive. You are afraid to leave phone for a moment because you sure that’ll be the moment he or she will be calling.

Nothing makes a person happier when he/she realises that the feeling is mutual. People in love look better, feel better and attract more attention from the people of the other sex than they are in their normal state. When you are in love single look of your object, anything that gives you the slightest hope – and you’re already somewhere above sky.

Falling in love without reciprocity seems to be a tragedy and the end of the world. Of cause it’s not and it will pass but try to tell the one who is so unfortunately in love! Gloomy face, giving up all the everyday duties or on the opposite trying to get rid of the feeling in energetic activity – these are the signs of person in love either. Some people just can’t deal with the intense of emotions. People with unbalanced psychics can even have some suicidal ideas. But this cases are rare.

Falling in love makes you a dreamer. You see you both on the first date, long before it takes place, imagine the time you will spend together, some women start dreaming of a house and kids.

You are ready to work on yourself because your object is worth only the best. You may start a diet or go to a fitness club. Women buy tonnes of cosmetics, fill the wardrobe with new clothes. But when you’re sure that your object won’t be there you may start being rather negligent to your appearance because you’re simply not interested in anyone’s else attention.

You may start to annoy your friends with endless talks about what he ore she’s done or said. And you may notice that people around are looking at you with some mix of envy and compassion. A person in love always looks a little bit crazy and different to the others and we usually think that he/she’s totally mindless but “look at him/he” – he/she’s so very happy. When you’re in love your own problems don’t matter a thing, you don’t even notice them, but the one sad sigh of the object and the word starts ruining for you.

Falling in love is based on some chemical processes (not only on them of course), but they are the reason for the euphoria, trembling knees, heartbeating, temperature rises, loosing breath and mind at one time. These processes even change the smell of your body. In general they work like come psycho stimulants and you’re willing to see and to hear your object in search of a new portion of that sharp feeling. By the way each time we keep busy doing something we like (hobby or favorite occupation) the similar processes start in motion.

So if you find yourself in love enjoy that felling because pleasure not only makes us happy but gives us that happy look that attracts people and luck.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

Love at First Sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? Scientists study our brain activity and say that it’s quiet possible but everyone is free to believe or not to believe.

Some people claim that it happened to them and it was like you raise your head, meet those eyes and tell yourself “It is He/She!”. Psychologists say that love at first sight depends on our psychological state at the moment. In some case we won’t even notice those charming eyes in another they can make a lasting impression on as. Also they say that it takes about 30 seconds to fall in love or precisely speaking to estimate whether the person is worth to fall in love with. By the way psychologists claim that men fall in love first.

Very many factors act in the situation of falling in love from the first sight. These are our ideals, intuition or “fast logic”, imagination etc. When you fall in love at the first sight you are usually ready and willing to fall in love. Less possibility that it will happen if you are tired, stressed, solving problems in you mind. Of cause the main part in falling in love is given to the appearance, voice, gestures, smell. One person intuitively searches in the other the qualities and the feature to complete him/herself. Of causes beautiful people attract attention the most, but sometimes it’s wrong to fall in love with them easily because those people are experiencing much attention from the people of the other sex all the time and your delightful reaction may simply have no answers.

But if you suddenly fall in love with quiet unknown person and see that it’s mutual that may mean even that mother-nature has chosen a partner that genetically suits you a lot. In this case it is like “aha, match!” when someone happens to fill up all the necessary categories like “tall, blond, blue-eyed, looks good, has a style and nice manners, likes me”.

Still the cases when people really had fallen in love from the first sight and lived long and happily after that are rather it. You may dream of a beautiful stranger that waits for you just around the corner but it’s wrong to name every slight sympathy and interest to a person the love at first sight. Maybe you’re just a little tired of everything that surrounds you or trying to fill the emptiness inside, yet it doesn’t mean everyone who looks nice will do. Sometimes it takes patience and time to find out the true nature of your feelings, mind that wonders do happen but not as often as we would like them too. If you suddenly have felt the wings behind you back still try to keep your feet on the ground because if it’s really love at first sight nothing will happen to it but if you’re taking illusions for reality falling back on the ground can be really hurtful.

By the way some theories say that we fall in love not from the first sight but from the first smell. Scientist claim that we pay much attention to what our eyes and ears tell us but on the subconscious level the way the person smells play a very big part in his or her expression on us although we don’t recognize it.

As always there’re as many opinions as many people. Each one has an equal right to exist because whatever the all those scientifical researches find out love still stays a sphere in which no one quiet sure in anything.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

Falling in Love

Falling in love and love are two quiet different feeling. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions or a first step towards love.

Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to the person of the other sex. In case it’s mutual and both lovers will work at their relationships one day that feeling can grow into love. Falling in love is crazy, it very physical, it’s when knees are getting weak and temperature rises, love is calm, comfortable and mental.

You have to do nothing to fall in love and often there’s either nothing you can do to stop falling in love. It’s very illogical: you suffer from splashes of emotions, doubts, can’t fully control yourself and it’s all because of a person you usually almost don’t know. When we fall in love nature shows all it’s power on us. Sometimes it even goes against our sense when we understand that we can’t expect nothing good from these relationships that it’s the wrong person but still can do nothing about ourselves.

Falling in love is the call of our sex but the object is instinctually chosen according to our ideals, dreams and etc although we may not realize it. We usually fall in love with the appearance of the person, with the way he/she walks, the way he/she talks. Sometimes we impute to our object of love some illusional, ideal qualities and the more we get to know that that person the less we fall for him or her. That’s when the feeling disappears eve faster than it appeared.

The more two persons get to know each other, the more comfortable they get the less sharp, bright and exciting the feeling gets. Some couples continue their relationships and get married in the end some fall apart. It’s reasonable to say that a second pair of slippers by the bed and one more toothbrush in the bathroom is the end of that crazy falling in love but it also can be the beginning of something more serious.

Different people fall in love more or less often than other. Some are switching partners enjoying crazy emotions which never turn with them into a real love.

Some may fall in love for a short time while having some permanent partner they love, this can even ruin some stable relationships. Some can claim to be in love with two people at the same time. These are usually two very different people so that one can’t choose which type is better but can neither afford to take both. In the center of love there’s always only one person.

We may call falling in love some kind of a temporary illness both mental and physical and won’t be very wrong. Some will say that it’s destructive, selfish, possessive, blind and give falling in love many other unpleasant definitions. But have those people ever been in love? Because if they have they would know that it differs from any other illness in on very essential way – it can be very pleasant. People nowadays often turn to antidepressants and drugs because it makes them feel better in the first case and makes them high in the second.

Falling in love is the most natural and the least harmless kind of doping. Yes, it’s not mural, it never looks in the future, in fact it has no future but it gives life some spirit of freshness and youthfulness.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

Worth Being Loved

They say good man is worth being loved. But then why do people all the time fall for wrong men and women? Moral qualities of a person of cause mean a lot but when we love one we usually can’t define and give a name to that something special in that person that makes us feel this way. Love is an irrational feeling, we can never predict who will be the next and moreover say if her or she will be finally worth it. Everything would be very nice and simple if we could count all the minuses and the pluses than compare the results and in case there are more minuses say “no, I’m not interested”. We all like and in the end love the people who differ, who are personalities, who have that sparkle in them. And it’s sad but good people are sometimes very dull and boring in communication exactly because they do everything right, they never cross any lines.

If you want people, both men and women, to love you – start training your skills in communication. Be pleasant, nice, easy-going, but not too obstructive, learn to be a good listener, because both women and men would prefer speaking of themselves than listening about all your nice features and talents.

Work on your sense of humor, being slightly ironical is always very attractive.

Try to get rid of the stereotypes and to be democratical in your points of view.

Don’t judge too strictly the defaults and weak points of other people – remember you have yours ones. If you really want to attract a person and maybe even try to make him or her fall in love – you shouldn’t criticize your object even if you know that the person is very tolerant to critics. Compliments will do better. Be attentive and helpful. Be good or try to act good. Never tell all at once about yourself. Be a little bit mysterious but not too mystificating. And look after yourself because first we see an appearance and only than personality.

There are some tricks that may help attract the interest of your object. Some say that every man and every woman has his/her vision of an ideal partner, so you just have to find out what it is and act in order to correspond to it. For example a business lady would appeal to an ambitious and successful man, a home man needs a child-woman to care about, a bored man searching for new experience would like an lively girl with the a good sense of humor and etc.

More universal variants of behavior is to be different, to leave your object each time a little bit surprised, one day to look in the eyes and the other to ignore.

This simple trick works but mostly to increase interest which already exists. In case when one doesn’t define you from the environment sometimes it’s better to give it before it gets any deeper.

Playing games even an actor by nature can’t do it forever, so one day the real you will show up and that may be a great surprise for the person that is in love that another you. So staying yourself in any situation is the most reliable way to be. Remember that worth being loved is only that person that loves him/herself. And the most wrong thing one can do is to convince him/herself that he/she is not worth anyone’s love. To attract people you have to be shining, optimistic and – which is very important – self-confident.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

True love

In most cases we think: this is true love, when in fact it’s not. But than if this ain’t love than what it is? There are plenty of things that we confuse with love.

It could be just the basic instinct. The feelings can be passionate and crazy, but in fact both people may want only sex. And after it all the misunderstanding starts, and once infatuated lovers will find out that they have nothing in common and sometimes they don’t even know what to talk with each other.

Another variant is when people lack support, care and attention to their person or they just scared to stay single. Being with someone can be a habit when one simply got used to the other. It can either be a sick addiction or some self-interest. People call all these types of relationship love just by mistake or trying to conceal the true nature of it.

But than what does real love look and feel like? Maybe it’s when two people seem to know each other for ages and even in their previous lives. They can go on talking and talking and conversation never lacks topics and never gets dull. Or people don’t have to say anything because they understand each other without words. And those moments, minutes and even hours of silence are never uncomfortable. True love is when partners complete one another, when they’re together it’s peaceful, the whole other world with it’s sufferings and problems doesn’t exist and nothing even matters.

True love means understanding. One trusts another more than him/herself and feels ready to satisfy every little need of a partner. Two people don’t stop for a second looking into each other eyes.

It’s said that two persons truly in love aren’t looking at each other but in the one direction. And this is rather reasonable because they don’t say nothing “this is yours and this is mine” and share everything: friends, enemies, interests, problems and etc. One has his/her own identity but sees him/herself only as a part of the other. Still real love is not a relationship of property. If you really love someone you may say “I belong you” but always be ready to let go if it makes the person you love happy.

Jealousy stands out of the true love. How can one be jealous if there’s so much love and faithfulness? Real love doesn’t long for power, it doesn’t want to hurt, doesn’t want to punish for mistakes, it’s self-sacrificing and ready to forgive other and other again. But it’s wrong to think that true love is always a suffering, it only means that you take a person as he or she is and don’t expect the one you love to be perfect.

True love isn’t supposed to blow your mind, yet it doesn’t tend to get and to possess – it’s a and very special state of a soul.

But the question that true love is still has no definite answer. Do we truly love only once in our life? At what age are we supposed to meet our love? Does it last for a lifetime or just for a while? Probably everyone has his own answers to this questions. The truth is that no one should spend life chasing ideals or building relationships by some model of a true love. One will probably fail and miss the real thing beyond all this.

We should remember that very many things we need to supply our healthy and comfortable living but only the true feeling of love makes life really longer and happier. And this is scientifically proved.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

Love is Magic

Some say that we are born to love and that love is the meaning and the aim of our lives. Many people believe that it’s a divine magical power that connects two loving hearts. For ages people have been thinking of what love is, writing books and song about love, in the recent time – shooting movies all on the same topic. Christians would say that God teaches us to love each other, the most skeptical materialists would blame it all on the chemical processes and hormones, romantic people would stand for the theory that each of us has his or her half on the Earth. Whatever love really is – the humanity definitely loves it.

Love is opposite to selfishness, because it’s always heading to some other person but you. It’s the highest point of human’s relations development. One voluntary gives up a great part of his/her own freedom. Love is giving by it’s nature. Person feels satisfaction and happiness not from receiving but from and seeing one happy. Two individuals completing one another form some spiritual union in which one is happy because the other’s is happy and one knows that he or she loves because he or she knows he/she would do anything it takes to make the other.

Love has it’s magical power to overcome all troubles, heal illnesses, create wonders. In critical life situations it gives people the strength to survive, to hold on however tough the living gets. And it all comes from the knowledge that you’re not alone in this world.

But everyone should mind that love arises not between angels but between people with all their little sins and flows. So the mistakes, problems and conflicts in love are in fact normal, they all come from our human’s nature. But the clear feeling of love is worth all the troubles one has to walk through to gain it. As we know Rome wasn’t built in a day, the same thing with love. There’s not any perfect art of loving. It’s always a road laid with compromises, everyday battle – not with the one you love, but with yourself. That’s how love makes us better. For everyone this way is personal. You can never predict how the relationships will develop but it’s in your ability to make it better.

Some say that love lives free years, other theory gives love one more year, some don’t give it any chance. Very many people believe that a family is a grave of love. So the negative prognoses are plenty. But still there stay some true believers. And deep in the heart many of us would like to believe and do believe in love. Because it has some magic in it and all the attempts to explain and to define it are failures.

Love makes clever people loose their mind and silly ones it makes genius. Love is paradoxical in very many aspects. There are statements that love is always happiness even when it’s unhappy and at the same time that there’s both nothing worse and nothing better than it. Another variant is that you never lived till you loved, and that love is the key to life and the sense of it. We may cite very many sayings and examples. They all are true and none is final. In one thing we can be sure: one who loves sees the world in the different way when all others, things look brighter, birds sing louder, life shows itself in it’s completeness.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

When Two Become One

When two become one

You are no longer a couple, you are the one, you share one life and don’t divide it no longer in two. You don’t use the word “I” anymore, there’s only “We”. You belong to him and have no doubts that he belongs to you. So two become one...

When everything suddenly goes right, and all the problems seem so miserable that you don’t even have think now, since now you don’t have to worry about a thing at all.

When you are ready to give up all your life for him and you’re quite sure that he’ll never ask for that because he’s ready to do the same.

When you don’t have to talk to understand each other, and when one starts a phrase the other finishes it.

When you can talk about everything in the world and tell each other all the secrets you’ve ever had.

When it’s never better to sleep apart, but when you sleep in one bed it’s so difficult to fall asleep at all.

When you’re together you don’t let go each others hands not for a second.

When you start acting and thinking very similar, and suddenly find out that you both copy each other even in intonations.

When you look at the world around not only with yours but with his eyes at the same time.

when you note around everything that could be interesting or useful for him.

When you tell one another the smallest impressions and can always count on total understanding.

When you see your future only with him and see no future without him.

When suddenly and fully understand the meaning of the word “family”.

When you’d rather stay alone than go anywhere without him but nobody doesn’t expect you to come alone anywhere at all.

When every moment is the right moment to call him, and when you feel when he’s is going to call you. When you look at him the color of your eyes changes and in your turn you are sure that he won’t every look at anybody with those eyes he’s looking at you.

When you are apart the letters from each other come just on time, when you most expect them to come.

When you both have one past, share the same memories and built together the plans for future

when you are rewriting all the plans you had before he came so they could suit him too.

When you learn all his weak points to avoid pressing on them.

When you are beside him you never and nowhere feel out of place.

When you want to go around the world together and at the same time settle down somewhere, build a house, grow a garden and bring up kids together. And you will be making that house a home, keeping it warm, clean, nice so that he would always feel comfortable there.

When you want to take care of him all the times and always feel that care from his side.

When you want to support and help him and do everything, even impossible only to keep him happy.

When you both start doing things you’ve never done before and when you quit doing some things that you’ve been used to.

When you can let yourself be weak.

When you stop looking at the other man at all.

When you both become better day after day because you want to be the best for each other.

When everything you’re doing is right seems to him and when everything he’s doing seems right to you.

When you want every single day to last forever.

When you are never alone.

How can one make this fairytale last forever? Is it possible at all? How not to loose such a great love, not to let it efface itself among the worries of everyday life? These are the questions on which one should work for all his/her life.

The two are one only when it happens this way.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

Constructed Types of Love

You might not believe some of the things said in here. Well, you better. People show love in more amazing / weird ways than anybody can ever imagine.

1. STORGE (life-long friends)

The constructed type of storgic love is characterised by rapport, self-revelation, interdependency, and mutual need fulfilment (Reiss, 1960). Storgic lovers are essentially good friends who have grown in intimacy through close association, with an unquestioned assumption that their relationship will be permanent and that they will find a way to deal with their problems that causes them minimum pain. A storgic lover does not fantasise finding some other — perhaps unknown but ideal — lover in the future and abandoning the storgic partner. It never occurs to extreme storgic types that a romantic ‘knight on a white horse" or "femme fatale" will appear at some future time to solve their problems. It is more likely that even if this should occur to the storgic lover, he/she would need the storgic partner around to discuss the romantic lover, to give advice, and to share the joys of discovery.

The storgic lover is not a person bored by routine home activity, but is more likely to find it comfortable and relaxing. Storgic lovers are not constantly on the search for new love experiences; rather they enjoy the security of being able to predict each other’s responses to their behaviours.

If storgic lovers should break up, they would probably remain close and caring friends perhaps continue corresponding with one another and actively caring about one another.

Physical intimacy, coitus, and the appreciation of their partners as sexual persons usually come relatively late in a storgic relationship, are accepted comfortably and joyously when they do appear on the scene, and are thus satisfying. Pure storgic types are extremely unlikely to "keep an eye out" for new or more romantic partners.

Temporary separations are not great problems to storgic lovers. Their mutual trust is such that separations are viewed, as necessary inconveniences needed diversions or opportunities for personal growth, which will either improve or at least not damage their relationship.

The storgic lover does not "fall in love" in the way that other types of lovers do. The storgic type is more likely to recognise that he/she has been in love for some time without realising it earlier. As a result, anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s day and the like occasions are not important to them and may even be forgotten or overshadowed by other matters.

In many ways storgic lovers resemble siblings in their understanding of the love relationship. If they fight and argue, it is not an indication that they do no love each other. They are likely to feel that when their love has matured it will be permanent and that they cannot replace their relationship with each other any more than they can replace those that they have with siblings or with parents.

2. AGAPIC (totally "thou" centered)

An agapic lover is forgiving. This kind of love typically assumes that when the loved one causes pain to himself or herself or to someone else, that he or she is acting in ignorance, innocent error, or is the victim of forces not originating in the love-object’s personality. A male agapic lover might, for example, help his female love object arrange an abortion if she became pregnant by someone else during their love affair. Or he might easily love and accept a child conceived by some other man with deep concern for the anguish caused to h is loved one and with tender affection for the child. An agapic lover would be more likely to help his or her love object to get medical attention for a venereal disease contracted from someone else during their love affair than to be angry or punitive toward the love object for having a sexual relationship with another.

Agapic persons never "fall in love." Their love for others is always available and they are simply given the opportunity by some of their love objects to show their love to a greater extent than they are by others. An agapic lover cares enough about his/her love object’s happiness to understand and give up the loved one if that would seem to give him or her a greater chance for happiness elsewhere.

An agapic lover is patient with the behaviours of his or her love object to an extent that seems to border on masochism. The ideal agapic lover would wait indefinitely for a love object to be released from prison or from a mental hospital, would tolerate the behaviours of an alcoholic or drug-addicted spouse, and would be willing to live with a partner who was engaging in illegal or immoral activities, even though he/she personally disapproved of such behaviours. The agapic lover is always supportive of h is/her partner.

3. MANIA (Possessiveness and Intense Dependency)

The constructed ideal of this type of lover is obsessed with his or her love object. A manic lover may be unable to sleep, eat, or even think logically around the loved one. The manic lover has peaks of excitement, but also depths of depression, with very few periods without a high or low.

This type of lover is jealous to an extent that might be described as irrational. A manic lover cannot tolerate loss of contact with a love object, even for short periods of time, and is distressed by a lack of the lover’s presence or anticipated interaction. A manic lover is typically crushed by real or fancied rejection, possibly to the point of suicidal ideation.

The manic lover often tried to manipulate the behaviours or feelings of the loved one, but because he or she seems to be bereft of logic, often succeeds only in looking foolish in his or he own eyes. For example, a manic lover may tell their loved one that they should spend a few days apart to think objectively about their relationship, and then go into a state of panic because the partner cannot be located during that period. Manic lovers do not tolerate separation at all well.

The manic lover has a tendency to review his or her abortive love affairs and speculate about what when wrong that terminated them. Manic lovers frequently have sexual problems as well as problems in handling other forms of intimate interaction. Because of their high level or anxiety, manic lovers would be expected to have problems related to anxiety, such as vaginismus or premature ejaculation.

Mania is probably associated with low self-esteem and a poor self-concept. Because of this, manic persons are typically not attractive to persons who have good self-concepts and high self esteem. They become burdensome to more self-sufficient others. If they are rejected by them, their anxieties intensify, making them even less attractive.

4. PRAGMA (logical-sensible)

The ideal constructed type identified as pragma is that of a person who is unable to invest love in "unworthy" love objects. The pragmatic lover is keenly aware of the comparison level for alternatives that he or she has. Pragmatic lovers are inclined to look realistically a their own assets, decide on their "market value" and set off to get the best possible "deal" in their partners. Once the "deal" is made, the pragmatic lover remains loyal and faithful and defines his or her status as "in love" because the loved one is a "good bargain." Should the assets of either partner change, the pragmatic lover may feel her or his contract has been violated, and may begin to search for another partner.

A pragmatic lover typically assists the loved one to fulfil his or her potentials; for example, such a lover might make sure the love object finishes school, asks for deserved promotions, gets the attention or that he or she "deserves" from physicians, stockbrokers, or employers.

Typically, a pragmatic lover maximised his or her own assets before "putting them on the market." A male pragma may decide not to become involved with any females until he has 410,000 in the bank, or has gone through psychoanalysis, or has a secure job, or has assured himself by reading enough or consulting experts to be sure he is sexually skilful, or the like. A sterile or impotent pragmatic lover may deliberately seek out a widow or widower with children if he or she wants a family.

Once a prospect is in sight, the prototypical pragmatic lover might check out future in-laws and friends systematically, find out if the couple’s Rh factors are compatible, and obtain assurance that there is a minimal probability of hereditary defects showing up in their mutual children and so forth.

Pragmatic persons break up or divorce or stay married for practical reasons. Divorce may actually be planned for some future date. For example, pragmatic partners may decide to finish school, to get a different job at another location, to put their youngest child through high school, or to reach some other such goal or state before they get divorced.

Pragma always looks at things in context and know his or her basic values, scaling everything by them. (E.g. if sex life is mediocre, pragma may consult a sex counsellor, but is more likely to assign sexual activity a low value in his or her value system and simply accept its mediocrity. "After all, he is a good provider, and being orgasmic isn’t all that important." "She is a good mother, and I can get by on coitus once a week without getting too tense.")

While other types may have spontaneous orgasms or masturbate just from thoughts of the beloved, pragma probably learns to recognise sexual tension and relieve it when necessary for sleep or comfort (if sex is not devalued).

Pragma thinks ahead about family size (an probably even about what sex the children will be). if pragma is a schoolteacher, he or she may plan an October/November conception so the baby will arrive during vacation.

5. LUDUS (Self-centered Game Player)

The ideal constructed type of a ludic lover is that of a person who ‘plays’ love affairs as he or she plays games or puzzles — to win, to get the greatest rewards for the least cost. A ludic lover hates dependency, either in himself/herself or in others. This type shies away from commitment of any sort (does not like lovers to take him or her for granted). The ludic lover enjoys strategies, and may keep two or three or even four lovers "on the string" at one time. A ludic lover may even create a fictional lover to discourage a real one’s hopes for a permanent relationship. He or she avoids long range plans, is careful not to date the same person often enough to create the illusion of a stable relationship. A ludic lover would rather find a new sex partner than to work out sexual problems with an old one. And yet, he or she may suddenly show up for a replay, even years later, with birthday flowers, a bottle of a favourite wine, a sentimental Valentine, or a record of a favourite song, and vanish just as suddenly. A ludic lover usually enjoys love affairs, and hence rarely regrets them unless the threat of commitment or dependency becomes too great.

Dates with a ludic person are never dull, even though they may not happen with great regularity. He or she is never possessive or jealous. Theludic lover usually has good self concept, usually is assured of current success in love as well as most other areas. Unlike a pragmatic lover, a ludic lover never reveals all of himself or herself n or demands such revelation by partners.

Ludic lovers are not likely to be very sophisticated sexually. As a rule, they have only one sexual routine; if the sex partner is not pleased by the ludic lover’s sexual pattern, then the ludic one simply finds another partner rather than attempting to improve an unsatisfying relationship. If she does not like his sexual behaviour, the ludic man moves on to someone who does; if he does not get an erection or bring her to orgasm on his own (with no help for her) the ludic woman looks for a man who will. Sex is self-centered and may be exploitative rather than symbolic of a relationship. A ludic lover does not listen to (or take time for) feedback’ that suggests commitment, which is "scary." A ludic lover may not even want to be h is or her partner’s best sex partner because that might necessitate commitment or dependency that would be "awful." Physical appearance of the partner is less important than other qualities, such as self-sufficiency and lack of demanding behaviour, to ludic persons.

6. EROS (Romantic)

The constructed type f Eros is romantic love. Erotic lovers believe that love at first sight is possible if not mandatory. Falling in love is highly desirable. It is believed to produce an optimum state in the whole mind-body; persons in love feel 10 years younger, sleep well, wake up rested and refreshed. Impotent persons become potent; inorgasmic persons become orgasmic. Every gland and organ is believed to be operating at maximum efficiency.

Eros is monogamous although often serially. Erotic lovers remember exactly how their partners looked when they met; they remember exactly the day they met, the time they first touched, the time they first kissed, the day, hour, minute, place, smell, lighting effects of their first sex; and they expect their partners to remember and celebrate the anniversaries of such occasions.

An erotic lover is certain he or she is in love because the beloved has exactly the skin, fragrance, hair, voice, body build, eye color and style he or she like the most. If that is not objectively true, it becomes easy to believe it is true.

The romantic lover must always have his or her best foot forward. Risks of losing the beloved cannot be afforded. On the other hand, erotic lovers constantly search for new ways to please their beloveds with ever-increasing delights — presents, new foods, new sexual techniques, and so on.

An erotic lover wants to know everything about the beloved from the first moment of their meeting, all of his or her experiences, joys and sorrows, who else he or she has loved in the past, how much and in what ways. At the same time, an erotic lover wants to reveal everything to the loved one — what she or he dreamed about last night, what happened on the bus today, how a second grade teacher embarrassed him or her.

Erotic lovers may like to wear matching T-shirts, identical bracelets, matching colors, orde the same foods when dining out, find out that their blood types are the same; they typically want to be identified with each other as totally as possible.

Erotic lovers usually report having had a secure and happy childhood and believe that their parents were happily married.

If erotic lovers do not get jealous it is because they are rarely apart. There is thorough commitment. An erotic type can go quite comfortably without falling in love, sometimes for a long time, but when cupid strikes, it is hard, fast, and total. Break-ups are explosive and painful.

Erotic lovers initiate sex early in their relationship. It is always perceived as perfect, or becoming so, as indeed are all qualities of and experiences with the partner.

I understand these classes of lovers but what i can't really figure out is if it is possible for one to change variably between these various classes. Where do you fit?

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

9 Types of Love Pt 1

1. Affection
2. Sexual Love
3. Platonic Love
4. Romantic Love
5. Puppy Love
6. Friendship
7. Committed Love
8. Infatuation
9. Passionate Love

I bet you there are other concepts we must understand before getting back to this. Watch out for Pt 2.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

What, really, is Love?

Did you realise how much I beat about the bush last time and ended up not defining love?

It is complex and powerful. It confuses many people. Love is a spiritual phenomenon.

As "White Knight" says:

"On Earth, no one knows what love is. All we see and know is the effect of love."

The concept cannot be defined or confined in merely the physical realm. Which is why love seems to defy description. However, this physical realm is where we experience love's effects. And that part can be described.

Love is a continuum, but like the seven official colors in the rainbow, I've separated it, in my mind, into a few distinct concepts. I've written essays on the kinds of love I have personally experienced: The personality of love, the brotherly kind of love, the decision to love, and the passionate kind of love. My essays on love are written from the point of view of the lover, instead of the beloved.

Love: The Personality

Love is a great motivator. It causes us to behave in certain ways towards people. It causes us to risk our hearts, and can even cause us to risk our lives. If we ever wonder whether or not we truly love someone, we could ask ourselves, "would I die for him/her?" If the answer is, "in a heartbeat," then yes, it really is love. If we are not sure, then it is possible that we are holding something of ourselves back, in reserve. By holding back, we are "hedging our bets," which means we hope to survive the relationship, no matter what. Live through it. So, we certainly would not die for our beloved. Our lives and hearts are more important to us, in that case.

As Jesus Christ says:
"Greater love has no one than this: that he lay down his life for his friends."

And if we love someone to the point that we would die for them, can we not also live for them? If we are willing to lay down our lives for their sake, sacrificing something less should be a piece of cake. How ridiculous would it be to hear, "sure, I’d die for you honey, but I’m keeping my TV remote?"

And as Saint John wrote:
"We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions, and sees his brother in need, but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth."

I have found that an open-handed policy in human relationships is very successful and rewarding. By this, I mean only when we stop holding tightly on to what we have, that our hands are also free to receive. Maybe twelve years ago, I really felt in need. So much so, that I felt that I didn’t have anything to spare. I didn’t give, I needed people to give to me. But, I never received anything. My soul only got more shriveled up. This was because I was focused on my own lack, and trying to get other people to fill it for me.

Finally, I realized that the only way for me to live, was to give love. I didn’t have much ability, but I gave all I had. That way, I became the conduit of love, and as it was blessing other people, I was blessed by love, too. Not merely because some loved in return, either.

The love that I possessed for them, nourished me. Because, for love to be fully experienced, it must be given. Receiving love is an external experience-- with some benefit, or course! But, if we give love, it makes us become love incarnate to someone! And when we are love, our souls live! The soul grows and blossoms. And as the soul grows, the ability to love even more, is increased. Happiness, and all sorts of good things result. But love is it’s own reward!

As Shakespeare wrote:
"My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite."

The personality of love is a state of being, where the person has become someone who automatically does the loving thing. Love incarnate. Gives. Sacrifices. Lays down his or her life. For everyone and anyone. Regardless of anyone’s supposed worthiness of being the beneficiary of such behavior. So, love’s personality does not judge. "You are human; my brother / sister, therefore I accept you, help you, treat you with respect."

As Mother Teresa said:
"If you judge someone, you have no time to love them."

Love’s personality can become angry when the beloved (humanity in general, or a specific individual) is mistreated. This will cause the lover to take up the cause, to help alleviate the suffering his/her beloved is being subjected to.

Love: The Personality is defined as a state of being the lover dwells in, which will cause him or her to act for the benefit of the beloved.

Love: The Brotherly

Whereas the personality of love is often motivated to act, the brotherly kind of love, is content to merely be. No actual giving to the beloved, or even interaction with the beloved is required. "Pure and chaste, from afar." ...Or, even close up. It is internal to the lover, and it is passive. A sweet, peaceful, contenting state of bliss is experienced. There is no pain or longing to express itself to the beloved, as with Love: The Passionate.

And, because it has no need to be expressed, there is no risk. The heart is not given away, so it does not feel vulnerable. The lack of pain and risk preserves the state of bliss.

There is also no need to ever receive anything from the beloved. If he or she is not aware of the lover’s existence, it makes no difference to the lover. He or she is content to love on, alone.

To the lover, it is the love he or she feels that is precious, moreso than the beloved. Therefore, the love is easily transferable to a new beloved. In fact, one can feel brotherly love toward any number of people, at the same time. It is not exclusive to one specific individual, as with Love: The Passionate.

As Emily Dickenson wrote:
"My business is to love. The mere sense of loving, is joy enough."

In order for the beloved to benefit from the love, he or she must be there, with the lover, and seek it out. The beloved must actively take advantage of the situation, or it will never be received.

Love: The Brotherly is defined as an internalized loving feeling about someone, which inspires a feeling of contentment and peace.

Love: The Decision

"Fall in love," is the phrase. When I first experienced this kind of love, I did actually have a sensation of falling. Sinking into a soft featherbed. Relaxing. Once I had let myself fall in love with my beloved, it was the easiest thing in the world. It felt very natural!

Before I came to the decision that I could let myself be in love with my beloved, however, I experienced some unease. Because I was not fully committed. To fall in love is to give one’s heart away. Could I trust my beloved with it? Would I be hurt? I had an approach/avoidance problem.

It took time, but my beloved made me fall in love, or rather, I let my beloved make me fall in love. And, I finally felt able to freely give my heart. With Love: The Decision, the lover has the potential for love in his or her heart, which can only truly be born with a decision to let oneself love. It is not like Passionate Love, with which one has no choice but to love. Decision Love exists because the lover lets it.

As Jean Anouilh said:
"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself."

Most Decision- Lovers fall in love because the beloved (purposefully, or through no fault of their own) convinces them that he or she is worthy of being trusted with the lover’s heart. Therefore, the lover can cite reasons why he or she is in love with the beloved: "His sense of humor," or, "she’s such a sweetie," et cetera.

Since reasons for being in love can be cited, Decision- Love is a conditional variety. We give our hearts away, usually on the condition that the beloved is deemed worthy of it. This way, the love has been earned. The beloved "made the cut." It is a "reward" for worthy attributes or behaviors.

So, on the other hand, if the beloved starts behaving unworthily-- in the lover’s mind-- he or she may choose to withdraw the love. Decide to not let him/herself love any longer. The love is allowed to exist by the discretion of the lover. The lover can either actively decide to stop, or passively, by allowing it to die through abuse or neglect. He or she has control, so he or she must sustain the love, rather than be sustained by it. Therefore, the lover must put conscious effort into keeping the love alive. It does not sustain itself.

Since Decision- Love is a conditional variety, many may not consider it real love. It is real, it just can be based on rational (relatively speaking) conditions. People fall (read: jump first, then they fall) in love, and fall out of love, all the time. In between, they do actually love their beloved. The beloved has their heart, there is just a string attached... It's not an eternal, divine type of love, which never ends no matter what. So, it's temporary. Therefore, Decision Love is a human-level love. It can and does pass away, just like we do. But, it's still love.

I have heard the phrase, "Love is not an emotion, it's a decision." If you can decide to love, you can decide to not love. This human love is based in our minds and hearts, not our spirits. So, it is perfectly reasonable that our minds would enter the equation, in deciding to love someone. And the emotions of our hearts playing a role in this kind of love is also perfectly reasonable.

Therefore, you cannot separate the Decision from the rationality of our minds and the emotions of our hearts. It is an emotion and it is a decision; and it is a (more or less) rational- and- emotional decision, which the logic of our minds and the feelings of our hearts help us make.

It is possible that we can choose to love, regardless of the worthiness of the beloved. We then would choose to love someone, in spite of any worthiness or lack thereof, on the beloved's part. We are able to choose to love regardless of worthiness, and can, at any time, choose to cease loving. For any reason, or no reason at all.

Love: The Decision is defined as a love that can be freely given to another at the discretion of the lover.

You've been reading much. Now, can you please tell me if you are in love?

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

Love, Characteristics and Expression

“When you look at love, you're looking into the face of appreciation.”

Throughout the history of mankind, we as a world culture have made love out to be mysterious, complex, difficult, and undefinable. It’s the subject of endless poems and literary works. There is an enormous amount of material available out there about love, a lot of it contradictory.

We’ve been given the impression that to define love is near to impossible. Maybe there’s a fear that if we define it, it would somehow be less powerful...less impactful...less exhilarating. Maybe we like the mystery of it. But is it really that complicated? Perhaps the complications surrounding love come from all “stuff” we add on to this powerful emotion. Lets drop all the baggage surrounding relationships and define what it is we are experiencing in the moment of love.

Basic Components of Love

What do you feel when you love someone? If distilled down to it’s core components, what would those be? Yes, love is an emotion, a feeling, a wanting, and a “being”. We know it feels good, but what specific feelings, wantings, and beings are present when we feel love? Here are the common denominators of love...

Love is Accepting.

Acceptance is labeling someone as "okay" and having no particular desire to change them. Who they are is perfectly fine with you. You pose no condition on whether you will love them or not. This is call unconditional love. When your love IS conditional, the moment they step outside your set of conditions, love evaporates.

Love is Appreciating.

Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance. Its when your focus is on what you like about another. We look at them and feel this sweeping appreciation for who they are, their joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. When someone says they are "in love" with another, they mean their appreciation is so enormous for this person that it consumes their every thought.

Love is Wanting Another to Feel Good.

We want those we love to be happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled. We want them to feel good in all ways, physically, mentally and emotionally.

How Do We Express Love?

We don’t always express our love. Love is a feeling and the expression of that feeling is separate. It’s an action. There’s a practical reason we don’t always express our love for another. It’s an issue of TIME. We only have 24 hours in a day (if you make it up that way). If the expression of love was a core ingredient to love, we would have to be stingy with who we loved, because there simply wouldn’t be enough time to demonstrate our love for everyone! If you see the distinction between the feeling and the expression, you can then love endless numbers of people.

Attention

Love expressed is when you give your attention, your time, your focus to someone. Webster defines attention as “the giving of one’s mind to something."

There are many ways in which we give our attention to another. We use our five senses. Our ears to listen. Being completely present with the one who is speaking. Our eyes, watching another, undivided attention. Tasting/smelling? (I’ll let you figure that one out). Touching, giving a hug, holding a hand, a caress, or sexual expression. How you express your love depends on the type of relationship.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

What is love?

If asked to give a clear cut definition of love, don't get surprise that you will be lost. Yeah. It is a very difficult thing to define.

So far, most people have only succeeded in naming its characteristics, telling its impacts on humans, describing how it can be gained or lost, outlining the various types and explaining how people feel when they are in love.

Out of all this confusion, we can at least say what "perfect love" should be. What most people know is that love should be reciprocal. Well, nice. But i met you there is more to it than just that.

Continue reading the posts in this blog and you will find a whole lot of stuff here to enhance your love experience with.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.