Lost love

Every love affair has it’s lifetime. This that as long as it has a start it has a finish. Some relationships last to the end of partners lifetime, some die soon after they started.

Love may start as the strongest passion but time passes and the storm of emotions calms down, relationships once so bright and full of surprises become routine. It drags on for a while and than comes crisis. A couple can either survive through it or fall apart.

Even when the love is gone it’s always hard to realise that you have to quit something once so good. There’s no certain way to decrease the sad feelings about falling apart. You may only try to stay civilised people about it and to let the one who’s leaving do it without making up grandiose scandals and hysterics.

Although some think that it’s better to stay enemies than friends because than you will have nothing to regret about and won’t execute meaningless attempts to get things back. But is it so right to ruin all the memories about the happy time two people have spent together with ugly scenes screaming and blaming each other in the worst sins?

It’s over when it’s over and sometimes it’s obvious that all is over. Two people scream and shout one at the other almost everyday, they have nothing to talk about and if they do every conversation turns into a quarrel, one finds faults with everything the other does, they both simply annoy each other. That’s definitely the end.

The question is where the love’s gone. Nobody knows it. Maybe they’ve been spending too much time together and finally have started to bore each other. Maybe he has stopped telling her about his love and she has stopped feeling it. Maybe time has made the illusions disappear and the reality has turned to be not what they both expected. Maybe there was only passion and after it’s gone nothing has left. There can be plenty of those maybes. Every misfortune has it’s own face. It may even be that nothing is over but people need to take a little rest one from the other or try to diversify their relationships. In fact when each one of a couple is willing to fight to make love stay they’ll find the way to do it.

The real tragedy is when one still feels the love but the other is bored and wants to leave. If the feeling is really gone no tricks will help to keep the partner, sooner or later he or she will finally leave and those few more weeks together won’t make you happier. The only thing you can really do in this case is to try to get over him/her as soon as possible. That misery will pass as the happiness did.

Sometimes (and it specially refers to women) a man looses his interest to a woman because she has given up her job, interests, friends and etc. in order to become the part of his life, to be everything he needs. He doesn’t have to conquer her no more, she has stopped being a personality with her own life that he had once fallen in love with. If fact this is one of the general mistakes people do. They get too comfortable and stop fighting for each others love. And than when a partner starts packing bags they wonder where did I go wrong.

But still in very many cases lost love isn’t anyone’s fault. It is just the way things go. We should never stop believing that next time the feeling will be real and will finally last to the very end. We have no limit of times that we can fall in love and so although it’s sad to loose love, each time we do we should try to look at it as on the chance to find a new better one.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

Love Addiction

The Ancient Greeks already described “mania” as one of the forms of love. It’s an obsessive, ecstatic and long-lasting love. It usually exaggerates the meaning and the importance of the feeling. Very often it leads to strong emotional shocks and dramas. It seeks for the total possession and control over partner, although it can be heroic and self-sacrificing. “Mania” stays very strong even when it has no reciprocity, it can be blindly faithful. Nowadays this form of love exists but in has become less dramatic.

Love addiction is when we say I love him/her too much, I can’t let him/her go, it’ when we are ready to suffer, see our love being abused but still ready to forgive everything because of a terrible fear to loose the one we love.

Some people get adducted to love as the other get addicted to drugs or alcohol. It’s when their partner becomes the centre and the meaning of their whole life, when his or life becomes their life and everything they turn to do is to satisfy their partner’s need and to solve his/her problem. Work, friends, hobbies, personal interests – nothing of that matter for a love addicted person more. And in the basics of it all lays not the love but the fear that can take it’s roots in early childhood when a future love addict didn’t get enough love and attention and now he/she’s trying to fill that space being very scared to return to that loneliness of a child.

In this “mania” relationships there’s very often nothing left to call love, these relationships don’t bring comfort, pleasure and support as they’re supposed to do, but only pain and sufferings. And love addicts may even realise it but the don’t have strength to leave. An addicted to love person is ready to do almost everything if it can be necessary or useful to his/her partner. There is nothing too expensive, unpleasant or taking too much time if it make him/her happy.

These love addicts can be very nervous and depressive, also they are willing to gain total control over the partner. The reason is that they aren’t enough self-confidence and those possessive relationship can be an attempt to prove they are worth something.

Most of all love addicts are scared that the relationship will be ruined because it seems that won’t be able to live without their partner so they are ready to bear selfishness, indifference, cruelty, disgrace. More other those possessed with love try to convince themselves that all this “minuses” are temporary and that their partner is just having hard time at the moment, but after it’s over he/she will se everything that has been done for them and will turn to be very thankful.
Love addicts also may think thanks to their childhood that such sick relations with an indifferent partner is the only they are worth. They may ignore all the good people around them that are willing to give their love and attention.

By the way it’s women who suffer from love addiction more than men. Addictive men usually become obsessed with their job or hobby. The worst variant is drugs and alcohol. And the addictive women usually choose such men as a cross to berry.

The only way to get rid of such a love addiction is to fight all the fears and to quit that obsessive and destructive relationships, to prove yourself that you’re worth much more. Relationships are never supposed to be a one-way street, love is giving but normally it gets much in return. The problem is that the love addiction can be a very serious problem repeating from one relationships to the other so that a person isn’t even able to solve it without professional help.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

First Love

Theoretically first love can happen in any age or not happen at all. But most people had fallen in love for the first time when they were teenagers. That exciting new experience most of us remember very well during all our life. For an adult his/her own high school problems and the problems of their children seem very funny, silly and simple especially compared with all the difficulties of adult life. Somehow we forget how tragic and full of drama life and relationships were than in our adolescence.

Than a teenager falls in love and it happens for the first time he/she feels all it’s ups and downs for the first time either. In that age we mostly enjoy ourselves and study the new emotions inside than show much interest for the inner world of our first boy/girlfriend.

Once we start to show interest to the persons of the other sex and a little later instinctively choose our first love. The relationships between two sexes will interest and trouble us during all our future life but these first steps are always the most difficult and for some of us turn to be very painful. Teenager has a growing and changing body that he/she hasn’t started to understand yet and a delicate soul which is so easy to hurt.

Adults very often don’t take this first affection for serious, they may laugh at it, preach, tell their children that they are too young to really feel anything, that his or her object isn’t a good pair for him or her, they may try obey them stop seeing their boy/girlfriend. This is all very wrong. No one can stop anybody from falling in love especially when it’s so beckoning with the novelty. Wise adults can only try to support their young comrade to pass this complicated with the least wounds and hurt. The feelings of adolescents are as changeable as their mood. So the first love usually goes very soon after it comes. The mission of people around is to show that it’s not the end of world and that a teenager is not alone, that there still stay people who love him/her and in their love he/her can’t be sure. The first love is only the first lesson to learn but it like Alphabet stays in the basic of the whole future relationships of a human.

Very often we cherish these memories a lot, sometimes idealise them, remember the first love as something very innocent and fragile. If something went wrong than some people may have some problems with starting new relationships, they may even achieve come serious complexes that will be spoiling their relationships all the time.
But there’s no such low that tells we all fall in love for the first time in our adolescence if not with our coevals, than with our favourite teaches, famous actors and pop-stars. Yes, teenagers searching an ideal love object in the real life and not finding it there can turn to TV-screen heroes, or persons who are elder and seem wiser and more experienced when the people of the same with them age. Of cause most adults don’t take these kid’s falling for them too serious. It passes as does the hysterical passion for the pop-stars. But still some people don’t fall in love at this age of first love at all, they have some boy/girlfriends in order not to differ from others, to satisfy curiosity and a booty call, they may really like the coevals they have relationships with, but still it nothing serious. For those people their first love may come later, and the feeling will be the same new and surprising for them as for the teenagers. But Bernard Show said that if you haven’t fallen in love till you’re forty you already shouldn’t do it after.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

Love declarations

How to declare your love in order to get a positive answer? Well first of all you have to be sure that you have the reciprocity. If you don’t have no guarantees of that you’d better ask yourself if you are ready to get refused. And if you are not try do get a little bit closer to your object, to learn more about him or her in order to understand what he or she feels.

If you can’t stay silent no more and want to declare your feelings whatever the reaction may follow still try to make in a way that will be the most acceptable for you both and won’t only push your object away.

Demonstrative personalities like loud and bright love declarations probably in public. It can be a heap of red roses, or huge inscription on the wall, serenades under the balcony. You may fall on your knees and read a love poem in a loud voice, you can glue your printed love declaration all around, you may appeal to people around telling her (or maybe him) about your feeling. If your object is really one of those people who like to demonstrate their relationships and feelings in public she/he will be impressed by your bravery, imagination and the strength of your feeling (although it’s said that only that one who doesn’t feel anything can speak about the love in the beautiful words). And if you don’t have the reciprocity yet such a declaration can be one step forward to it.

But in an object of your love is shy, modest or just reserved and doesn’t like to attract an extra-attention to his/her person this kind of a declaration won’t do and you may get a negative answer even if your object has some kind of a sympathy to you. Words of love said in privacy or whispered in the ear don’t loose any bit of their meaning and probably even gain some.

However you would declare your love be sincere, don’t try to impress or to take your object by surprise, don’t be too pushy, don’t ask for a definite answer at the same moment. Just let the one know that you differ him or her from the other people, that he/she means something special and serious for you.

Love declarations usually come naturally when two people are seeing each other for some time already and are quiet sure about the feelings of each other. Nobody gets prepared to declare his/her love to a partner. it usually comes all of a sudden, by some impulse or just by the way. And when couple has a long-lasting relationships everyday small signs of attention, care and support will say more than all love poems in the world, though such romantic love declarations are very nice either.

By the way if you are shy or can’t find the words to say about your love you can always do by any means of communication which are plenty today, though only after oral love declaration you can observe the very first reaction and expect the most sincere answer.

If you hear “no” in the an answer to the declaration of your feeling don’t loose your hope all at once (exception is when your object starts laughing in your face). You may ask him/her to stay friends, to meet sometimes for a coffee and a chat. Don’t complain, whine or get glued, be pleasant and try to keep some contact. Most people can’t stay completely indifferent to a person who has distinguished them from all other. The one who’s listened to your declaration can starts looking at you more attentively because you are the one who sees in him ore her some features of which the others probably have no idea. Who knows maybe later on this interest may turn to a sympathy or something more or otherwise you may study your object of love better, see it’s real face beyond your fantasies and start feeling a little less in love.

One more question about love declarations – who is supposed to do it first. Traditionally it’s men who declare their feelings first and it’s women who sigh out in answer a languid “yes”. Nowadays both men and women are free to speak about their love and feelings first. Of cause the traditions aren’t totally overcome in people’s mind. Women often are too shy or too proud to do it firsts. Men usually don’t know how to behave in the answer and what to do, they may even get scared and push the woman away. And women are less prepared to hear “no” and can get deeply hurt by it. Just is you feel you’re unable to conceal your feelings no longer – declare them but mind that your object doesn’t get responsible for you after it.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

Are You in love?

Usually if you ask yourself “am I in love?’ it means you’re not, because when you’re fallen in love you already have no questions, this feeling is to obvious to leave any doubts. So it’s more reasonable to count the consequences of it than to look for the signs.

You can’t stop thinking of your object, he/she stays on your mind when you’re working, spending time with friends, jogging in the morning or relaxing in evening. The vision of your object is haunting your mind like a ghost and it never works when you tell yourself not to think of him or her. You remember all the time spent together, every single word, gesture and look.

Lovesickness can be compared with feather: you’re either flying high, all filled with enthusiasm and energy, that when people around start to wonder if you’re in love or you’re deeply depressed, indifferent, nervous, don’t see in life any bright sides. No third variant is possible. You sleep as a baby or suffer from insomnia. You shine and think you’re the best or feel miserable and unattractive. You are afraid to leave phone for a moment because you sure that’ll be the moment he or she will be calling.

Nothing makes a person happier when he/she realises that the feeling is mutual. People in love look better, feel better and attract more attention from the people of the other sex than they are in their normal state. When you are in love single look of your object, anything that gives you the slightest hope – and you’re already somewhere above sky.

Falling in love without reciprocity seems to be a tragedy and the end of the world. Of cause it’s not and it will pass but try to tell the one who is so unfortunately in love! Gloomy face, giving up all the everyday duties or on the opposite trying to get rid of the feeling in energetic activity – these are the signs of person in love either. Some people just can’t deal with the intense of emotions. People with unbalanced psychics can even have some suicidal ideas. But this cases are rare.

Falling in love makes you a dreamer. You see you both on the first date, long before it takes place, imagine the time you will spend together, some women start dreaming of a house and kids.

You are ready to work on yourself because your object is worth only the best. You may start a diet or go to a fitness club. Women buy tonnes of cosmetics, fill the wardrobe with new clothes. But when you’re sure that your object won’t be there you may start being rather negligent to your appearance because you’re simply not interested in anyone’s else attention.

You may start to annoy your friends with endless talks about what he ore she’s done or said. And you may notice that people around are looking at you with some mix of envy and compassion. A person in love always looks a little bit crazy and different to the others and we usually think that he/she’s totally mindless but “look at him/he” – he/she’s so very happy. When you’re in love your own problems don’t matter a thing, you don’t even notice them, but the one sad sigh of the object and the word starts ruining for you.

Falling in love is based on some chemical processes (not only on them of course), but they are the reason for the euphoria, trembling knees, heartbeating, temperature rises, loosing breath and mind at one time. These processes even change the smell of your body. In general they work like come psycho stimulants and you’re willing to see and to hear your object in search of a new portion of that sharp feeling. By the way each time we keep busy doing something we like (hobby or favorite occupation) the similar processes start in motion.

So if you find yourself in love enjoy that felling because pleasure not only makes us happy but gives us that happy look that attracts people and luck.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che.

Love at First Sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? Scientists study our brain activity and say that it’s quiet possible but everyone is free to believe or not to believe.

Some people claim that it happened to them and it was like you raise your head, meet those eyes and tell yourself “It is He/She!”. Psychologists say that love at first sight depends on our psychological state at the moment. In some case we won’t even notice those charming eyes in another they can make a lasting impression on as. Also they say that it takes about 30 seconds to fall in love or precisely speaking to estimate whether the person is worth to fall in love with. By the way psychologists claim that men fall in love first.

Very many factors act in the situation of falling in love from the first sight. These are our ideals, intuition or “fast logic”, imagination etc. When you fall in love at the first sight you are usually ready and willing to fall in love. Less possibility that it will happen if you are tired, stressed, solving problems in you mind. Of cause the main part in falling in love is given to the appearance, voice, gestures, smell. One person intuitively searches in the other the qualities and the feature to complete him/herself. Of causes beautiful people attract attention the most, but sometimes it’s wrong to fall in love with them easily because those people are experiencing much attention from the people of the other sex all the time and your delightful reaction may simply have no answers.

But if you suddenly fall in love with quiet unknown person and see that it’s mutual that may mean even that mother-nature has chosen a partner that genetically suits you a lot. In this case it is like “aha, match!” when someone happens to fill up all the necessary categories like “tall, blond, blue-eyed, looks good, has a style and nice manners, likes me”.

Still the cases when people really had fallen in love from the first sight and lived long and happily after that are rather it. You may dream of a beautiful stranger that waits for you just around the corner but it’s wrong to name every slight sympathy and interest to a person the love at first sight. Maybe you’re just a little tired of everything that surrounds you or trying to fill the emptiness inside, yet it doesn’t mean everyone who looks nice will do. Sometimes it takes patience and time to find out the true nature of your feelings, mind that wonders do happen but not as often as we would like them too. If you suddenly have felt the wings behind you back still try to keep your feet on the ground because if it’s really love at first sight nothing will happen to it but if you’re taking illusions for reality falling back on the ground can be really hurtful.

By the way some theories say that we fall in love not from the first sight but from the first smell. Scientist claim that we pay much attention to what our eyes and ears tell us but on the subconscious level the way the person smells play a very big part in his or her expression on us although we don’t recognize it.

As always there’re as many opinions as many people. Each one has an equal right to exist because whatever the all those scientifical researches find out love still stays a sphere in which no one quiet sure in anything.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che

Falling in Love

Falling in love and love are two quiet different feeling. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions or a first step towards love.

Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to the person of the other sex. In case it’s mutual and both lovers will work at their relationships one day that feeling can grow into love. Falling in love is crazy, it very physical, it’s when knees are getting weak and temperature rises, love is calm, comfortable and mental.

You have to do nothing to fall in love and often there’s either nothing you can do to stop falling in love. It’s very illogical: you suffer from splashes of emotions, doubts, can’t fully control yourself and it’s all because of a person you usually almost don’t know. When we fall in love nature shows all it’s power on us. Sometimes it even goes against our sense when we understand that we can’t expect nothing good from these relationships that it’s the wrong person but still can do nothing about ourselves.

Falling in love is the call of our sex but the object is instinctually chosen according to our ideals, dreams and etc although we may not realize it. We usually fall in love with the appearance of the person, with the way he/she walks, the way he/she talks. Sometimes we impute to our object of love some illusional, ideal qualities and the more we get to know that that person the less we fall for him or her. That’s when the feeling disappears eve faster than it appeared.

The more two persons get to know each other, the more comfortable they get the less sharp, bright and exciting the feeling gets. Some couples continue their relationships and get married in the end some fall apart. It’s reasonable to say that a second pair of slippers by the bed and one more toothbrush in the bathroom is the end of that crazy falling in love but it also can be the beginning of something more serious.

Different people fall in love more or less often than other. Some are switching partners enjoying crazy emotions which never turn with them into a real love.

Some may fall in love for a short time while having some permanent partner they love, this can even ruin some stable relationships. Some can claim to be in love with two people at the same time. These are usually two very different people so that one can’t choose which type is better but can neither afford to take both. In the center of love there’s always only one person.

We may call falling in love some kind of a temporary illness both mental and physical and won’t be very wrong. Some will say that it’s destructive, selfish, possessive, blind and give falling in love many other unpleasant definitions. But have those people ever been in love? Because if they have they would know that it differs from any other illness in on very essential way – it can be very pleasant. People nowadays often turn to antidepressants and drugs because it makes them feel better in the first case and makes them high in the second.

Falling in love is the most natural and the least harmless kind of doping. Yes, it’s not mural, it never looks in the future, in fact it has no future but it gives life some spirit of freshness and youthfulness.

Yours Truly,
Ferdinand Che